The passing of a sad anniversary…


A while ago – March 19 to be exact (In a civil tone) – I referred to the one letter in nearly 10 years that was composed but never mailed to Ellen and Reid.  Several comments have alluded to the withholding: i.e. “You share everything else, why not share this?”  That letter sat idly in a folder, unlooked at and never re-read, but hardly forgotten.  I noted a few months back that the time was not right to share the short, emotional letter.   That time has come.

For as much as I favor letters as a platform for the outpouring of ideas, happiness and, yes, grief, the announcement of separation and divorce are not among those.  It is a subject rife with pain and so highly charged and complex that to use a letter as the bearer of bad news belittles the process and abrogates my responsibility to tell the kids the sorry details.  I won’t rehash much of what was posted in March, suffice to say letters were appropriate for follow ups but not to break the initial news.  This week marks a sad anniversary the four of us would rather forget.  It was the day my wife and I pulled Ellen and Reid aside on the back deck to tell them of our unfortunate turn of events.

Here is that unmailed letter.  All these years later, I am glad it remained sealed until now.  Time does, however, have a way of healing, or partially healing, all wounds.

November 7

EB/Reid:

No funny stuff this week.  This is the letter I’d hoped never to write.

Your mother and I are having some difficulties.  In a nutshell, it has much to do with me freelancing and all the pressures it places on us as a couple; tension, unease, etc.  (It has nothing to do with the two of you, in fact we are both very pleased with how you’re doing and how you’re doing it.  Just keep your noses to the grindstone.)

She will have a different version of events but it won’t stray too far from this.  I’ve tried to make a go of it but the stable of steady, good paying clients just isn’t there.  I’ve applied for numerous jobs online, but have had no offers.  I continue to look around and have some possibilities, but they are just that, possibilities.  Bank of America remains a strong candidate but their decision is weeks away, at the earliest.

You are probably wondering if this means divorce.  Maybe.  We don’t know.  Will it mean separation? Perhaps.  My love for her remains as strong ever, but she is weary of providing most of the support.  It’s hard to blame her.  As for who knows anything of this, aunt Nancy and uncle Ralph are aware of it.  To this point, none of our friends know but that may soon change.

It is time for you two to be in on this.  There’s not much from your end that you can do.  Just support and love us through this period.  We will likely go through some counseling either together or alone.

Give us a call when you can.

Love always,

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